Some Days Are Letting Go, Not Giving Up

Let go.  No, do not give up and go quietly into the night .

Let go. It is not let it go, remaining frozen in apathy.

Let go.  Moving forward even when there is no sure path to follow.

Let go .  Countering the "conditioned self," the one that leads with "ya, but" or "f-you."

Let go. Rest in and act in who you were born to be.

Let Go. It is a gift I want to give myself.

She Let Go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,

without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a

book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

―Rev. Safire Rose

Some Days Are Meant For Pre-Election Resolutions

Today there are several mean spirited political posts on my Facebook news feed, as there have been the entire freaking past year.  Tomorrow is Election Day. Doubt that a switch will flip on Wednesday and we will start working together, lifting each other up, and singing Kumbaya.

Obviously, we are a collective hot mess.  Our hot mess has been dramatized within our political process.  Lots of shooting off at the mouth, slamming of opinions and beliefs, blaming, name calling, wailing and gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands.

Tomorrow there will be a presidential winner and a presidential loser.  There will be speeches and mean spirited posts.  Schools that are polling places will be closed and if the schools are open, some parents will keep their children home because they are uncertain of polling place safety. Not just parents are fearing violent repercussions. For many of us, it may not even matter what the winning and losing candidates say. We don't trust their words anyway.  We are so jaded.

My personal plan is to start local.  That would be my immediate family and my local community.  Be intentional. Compromise, lift others, help others be the persons they were born to be. When I disagree, I hope to agree to disagree and not return unkind words with unkind words.  Wish the other person peace beyond my own understanding. Use my defenses, not to defend my opinion but to defend the marginalized.  I want to have expectations that other people are capable of this same behavior.  I know they are because I witness it daily. I will look to those people who model this behavior.

I want to expect that elected leaders find common ground and use wisdom in their decision making. If they do not, I will use the voting booth. "Don't boo, vote."

On a positive note, the issues we are facing are not hiding. No pretending we do not have problems with trust, us vs them, racism, respect, economic insecurity, health care equity, American poverty, homelessness, mental health care, national security, inner city violence, job insecurity, and so on.  Cannot fix it if we don't know it's broken.

I cannot ask people to stop the shouting and the vitriol but I can not listen to it anymore.

Some Days Are Autism Awareness Day

Our family just returned from a trip to Brown County, Indiana. The weather was mild, so we were out and about on Saturday.  We found "Explore Brown County,"  an outdoor site with a plethora of outdoor activities.  My husband and daughter joined a group to play paintball. I set off to do some exploring.  It was truly a Holy Saturday.

I walked by a small park with a mom and her son.  They were swinging.  After Anna and I exchanged a smile and a hello, Jacob chimed in. I know their names because Jacob asked for my name and told me his.  The majority of our conversation centered on where our cars were parked. It was a fun conversation with two sweet people.

As we were saying good bye, Anna thanked me for stopping.  She told me that most people get annoyed when Jacob talks to them.  Many, she said, walk away.

I was wondering if I missed something.  I could think of no reason to walk away from this engaging boy. I sat down on a swing. Anna had a story to tell.

Anna went on to explain that Jacob had autism spectrum disorder. The degree to which my heart hurt hearing that people walked away from him could not compare to the degree to which her heart must hurt every time people turn away from her delightfully winsome child.

When we stop, we hear stories.

Today is Autism Awareness Day, kicking off Autism Awareness Month. Lamar Hardwick wrote, "Autism awareness should be about expanding people's exposure to the life of autistic people. It cannot be done with statistics; it can only be done with stories."

Anna had a story to tell about her life and the life of her son Jacob. We can say a prayer to grant a mother strength and a child a voice. We can donate to an organization or walk to raise money. We can stop and listen to the stories. If we want to find the missing puzzle pieces, they are there. In the stories.

When I first started working, I saw but one child who was most likely on the autism spectrum. To be honest, I'm not certain how well the two of us fared. Plain and simple, I did not understand autism and it was scary to me.  He was scary to me.  That is a pathetic confession but I confess often. When the incidence of autism skyrocketed, I was introduced to many families and children on the autism spectrum.  I spent many hours literally on the floor, building connections, gaining understanding, and eliminating fear.

Lamar Hardwick, the guy quoted about autism awareness, has a story.  Lamar is a pastor, scholar, husband, father and a person on the autism spectrum.

Some Days Are Loss to New Life

This past weekend we traveled to Galena, Illinois. It was a wonderful opportunity to get away, enjoy nature, have a few adventures, and - most of all - enjoy being with each other. Bryan (Jay's brother) and Diane joined us on Saturday and we laughed ourselves silly. It was the kind of silliness that, if we shared what got us to laughing, you would think our senses of humor were warped. Which they may well be.

On Friday evening, I drove back from the Inn where my daughter and friend had been swimming. I got lost! If you know the Galena Territory, the roads wind and dip through gorgeous bluffs, hills, and valleys. Since it was amazingly dark despite a full moon, we more sensed than saw the winds and dips.

So I drove back and forth, around and about as the girls chatted and enjoyed the ride. As for me, I was thankful my passengers were somewhat oblivious. I realized that I was very use to the feeling of being lost. Lost is familiar territory.

Driving and thinking about being lost, I was reminded of the first couple of lines from a quote by Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk. The quote is a prayer and begins, “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me."

Having this quote come to mind served a couple of purposes, not the least of which was preventing me when I once again realized a wrong turn from using a couple of choice words in front of teens who more than likely never heard such language before...When I finally made my way back to "our new life," I found the ending of the quote that had been keeping me company.

For me, the trip from the Inn, the loss and then found, was in keeping with the faith theme for the weekend: loss to new life.

Some Days Are Courageously Different

A beautiful friend told me to be sure to catch Angelina Jolie's acceptance speech. The speech was at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards.  Ms. Jolie won "best villain" for her role in Maleficent. My friend thought I would love the message.

It was easy to find the video online. By the time I checked it out, it was viral.

Her message was to young people. Ms Jolie said "different is good." She went on to share that, when she was young, she was told she was different. This was not said to her as a compliment. Quite the contrary. She explained that she was "too loud, too full of fire, never good at sitting still, never good at fitting in." Sounds like several children I know and love.  These are very amazing children.

Ms. Jolie's advice to kids was to not try to fit in. "Don't ever try to be less than you are, and when someone tells you are different, smile and hold your head up and be proud."

Such an inspiring message for children. It seems almost uncanny, the developmental need for most children to be the same as everyone else. A minor example: if your hair is curly, you want it straight. And then, if children are different due to physical, mental, emotional, racial, economic reasons, they struggle and hurt and hide and fear. Or they learn to be brave and dare to live into their differences. Such courage.

Such an inspiring message for us big children as well. We all struggle in some ways and to varying degrees with differences. We gravitate to our own "tribe." We fear differences we do not understand. We call differences flaws or even worse we call differences sin, giving us permission to live in willful ignorance and judgment.

God grant me the courage to accept differences in others, the love to work to understand those differences, and the wisdom to stand up and speak out.

From the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards 2015

Some Days We Take A Break

There were so many memorable episodes in the series Friends. Today I am thinking about "The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break." After senseless argument after senseless argument, Rachel finally suggests to Ross, "Maybe we should just take a break...a break from us."

I suppose that is what I have been doing. Taking a break...a break from blogging. Truth be told, over the past several weeks, I have not felt particularly inspired. Or at least until this moment, I have not been willing to share my lack of inspiration.

In my professional life, I often go to the homes of young children. It is quite a privilege to enter into a family's home. I hear the hopes and dreams parents have for their children. I listen as they struggle with their children's struggles, seeking advise and sometimes comfort, sometimes longing for a crystal ball. Most days I believe I can be a source of information, advise, and hope. And then there are the other days when I think, "Oh dear God, what the heck do I know? It is humbling.

It is also humbling to blog about lack of inspiration when life around me is chock-full-of beauty and grace. Makes me want to scream to myself, "Snap out of it!" But I would not do that to anyone else, so I cannot see any reason to do it to myself.

So, when the words come, I hope to write. Accent on the word hope. Because even days when there are no words, there is always hope.

I just looked out the window. It is snowing. It is as though the crocuses are silently, beautifully sharing this same message of hope.

Some Days You Can't Hurry Love

Diana Ross and the Supremes belted out the best Mama-advice. They told us that Mama said you can't hurry love, you just have to wait. You gotta trust, give it time, no matter how long it takes. Great song, great lyrics, and you can dance to it.

My life is a testimony to the truth in Mama's words. I waited, gave it time before I found someone to call my own.  Somewhere in that time, instead of waiting, I accepted my life as a single woman. Single life was good. I had extended family, a profession that gave me meaning and passion, and close friends whom I loved and who loved me; friends with whom I could be openly weird, no judgment.

However...I always had my own place to go. I had a place with my own stuff and my own shoes. Lots of shoes. A place where I could metaphorically dance because no one was looking. A place where no one needed me to be anything other than what I needed to be for myself.

When I met Jay and we started to develop feelings for each other, I was confused. My path was that of a single, professional woman. I had to slowly let go of what I had thought I was because my life was going in a new direction. My path took a soft right and merged with Jay's path.

I am happy to say that I chose the right person to travel beside.  I am also happy to say that I no longer need to wait until I am completely alone in order to be completely myself. Because I have learned what it means to be completely myself with another person. My spouse has seen my soul. He has shown me his and I have shown him mine.

This morning I texted our daughter to say Happy Valentine's Day. In the text, I told her, "You are so loved."  Her response? "I know." It fills me with so much emotion to know that her soul knows love. We have grown into a trio of soulmates.

Today is all about hearts and flowers and chocolates. When I was single, I always had this tiny sense that I was missing out on something on February 14. Truth be told, it kind of aggravated me. Now I know that, yes, I may have been missing out on Fannie May, mushy Hallmark cards, and red floral bouquets given to you by another person. But those things are romance. The things that are good for your soul...that is love.