Some Days I Resolve

This past year, one of my very best friends and I have been following the advice best summed up in this poem by Jenny Joseph:

Warning

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick flowers in other people’s gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph wrote this poem when she was twenty-nine years old. Such wisdom at such a young age! To be honest, neither my friend nor I are willing to grow fat gracefully. And I may spend my pension (or 401k Plan) on wine, not brandy. My girlfriend will probably spend it on fountain Diet Coke. But what we eat and drink is not really the point.

My dear friend and I pinky swore in 2014 to be ourselves. It sounds so elementary.  In our many chats, the kind of chats BFFs are want to have, we realized that we both - way too often - found ourselves being who people wanted us to be or who others expected us to be rather than who we really were. So this past year, we decided we needed to practice being brave. And being brave meant being real. We asked ourselves the hard questions. We fought the power of willful ignorance. We were determined to be who we were created to be.

I don't believe anyone who chooses to do this work can do it alone. We do it in our own time and in our own way with consistent support and persistent prodding. In many ways, as adult friends, we can parent each other, sometimes doing the work of re-parenting, filling in the parts that somehow got missed or messed. Sometimes we do for each other what our parents started for us.

I heard this statistic. One-third of all Americans resolve on New Year's Eve to better themselves in some way. I would have guessed it was more than that.

The statistic goes on.  In this group of "Resolutionists," less than half actually make good on their resolutions, as measured by how many are still on target in six months. I would have guessed it was less than that.

Apparently the secret to being resolute for the long haul is to pick one goal and stick with it.  But how do you pick just one ?

I have been thinking about this all day and I think I have it. I think my friend is going to like this. We have been doing this, both in our own ways, throughout 2014. Here it is, my New Year's Resolution for 2015. It is adapted from the wonderful Ann Lamott:

One step, two steps, breathe, repeat.

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone the courage, and the support, in 2015 to be who you were created to be.

And, when in doubt, breathe.

Poster by Kathy Sprinkle, Blisshearts.com

Some Days Are Gifts

This Christmas I received the best gift. In truth, I received it many times over. It is a gift that money cannot buy. It is something I am certain many people gave and received this past week, be they young or old, rich or poor, content or grieving. It was something given and received on Christmas Day even by those who do not celebrate Christmas. It is very possible that lives were touched and changed in the giving and receiving of this gift.

This gift is pretty amazing. It can calm the nervous system and decrease blood pressure. It can relax muscles and relieve tension. It can reduce stress and induce sleep.  Plus it is 100% organic and drug-free.

Have you guessed what it is yet? Well, there is more!

This gift can immediately dissipate loneliness and anger. It can instill feelings of safety and connectedness. It can energize. It can communicate love and care.

And it costs nothing. Nada. Free. What a gift!

Our family of three gathered with the extended Shuler family in St. Louis this Christmas. When we arrived, we exchanged this gift. When a new Shuler faction arrived, we exchanged once again. It had been a long time since several of us had been together and even longer since all of us were together. So it felt good to gift each other again and again throughout our stay. My daughter gave me this gift multiple times. Sometimes her gift-giving was so intense, it took my breathe away. When we left for our separate homes this weekend, we gave this gift to each other one last time. Some of us tearfully held on to the giving and receiving for a good long time.

Have you figured out what this fabulous, healthy, emotionally uplifting, wholesome, nontaxable gift can be?

It is a hug.

There was a public service announcement back in the 80's that asked, "Have you hugged your kid today?"  Excellent public reminder.

Wimp.com posted a Free Hug video this morning. The young man in the video shared hugs with the very young and the very old, with men and woman, with the business-suit clad and the workout clad. There were group hugs and solitary hugs. It is heartwarming and fun to watch.

Many of us have seen the viral photo of a Ferguson police sergeant and a 12-year-old hugging. The 12-year-old was holding a 'Free Hugs" sign. It is being referred to as "the hug shared around the world."

There is a line of products marketed under the phrase "consider yourself hugged." The phrase started when a young student went away to college. She always signed her letters home "consider yourself hugged." Her hug led to a whole line of blankets, pillows, and t-shirts to remind the recipients to do just that, consider themselves hugged.

Then there is this: {Hug} Or this: \(*.*)/  Cyberhugs, promises of hugs waiting.

Virginia Satir, a psychologist, calculated, "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."  How hard could it be to advance from mere survival to growth? As hard as giving and receiving 8 hugs, it would seem. Not so hard. Soft in fact.

It is easy to forget or at least minimize the powerful, life affirming benefits of a hug. Now that I have given this some thought, I hope to never take a good hug for granted. Nor do I hope to withhold a hug when the urge to hug strikes.

Tidings of comfort and joy to all! And, until we meet again,  \(*.*)/

Some Days Are Christmas

It's Christmas!  I am up before dawn, waiting for my family to stir, waiting for the light of day. I am unexpectedly excited, feeling like a child on Christmas morning!

I believe that several weeks ago, in anticipation of this day, I wrapped my feelings in a big box and covered the box with sparkles and a bright bow. Some days my not so Christmasy emotions would slip past that box lid. But in general, the holiday busyness and the traditional and ever expanding list-of-things-to-do helped keep those emotions under wrap.

There have been some beautiful moments. Like being in the audience for the Holiday Band Concert. One of the numbers was so moving, it brought me to tears. And taking our annual family Christmas picture. Always lots of laughter and general silliness with that tradition. And sitting in the glow of the Christmas tree lights with my husband.

I have so much for which I am grateful. And now, at this moment, I am savoring this early Christmas morning. Anticipating joy. Trusting that good is possible and achievavble. Having little need for absolutes. Content to be content. Feeling swaddled in love.

I am feeling HOPE. What a gift to awaken in hope. The best gift to come out of the box.

Wake up, everybody!

It's Christmas!

Some Days Are Windy

The word is out that it is going to be a windy Christmas. Unlike snow, wind does not make everything white and new. Also unlike snow, the wind has no shape or form. Nevertheless, we can feel its presence.  And, like snow, wind can be soft and gentle or strong and constant.

I recall a Christmas story about wind. It is a children's book, Rudey's Windy Christmas, by Helen Baugh. Rudey was one of Santa's lesser known reindeer. He ate too many sprouts on Christmas Eve.  Poor Rudey, he had an issue with wind. Pretty hilarious story.

Wind is also a metaphor for Spirit.  I do not consistently think of God when it snows but I almost always think of God when I feel or hear the wind. Wind on Christmas will be a good reminder of God's love and presence.

Thomas Merton wrote "No writing...can say anything that has already been said better by the wind in the pine trees."

I will be listening.

Some Days Are Lived in a Snow Globe

Although this post is shared from my Christian perspective, I do believe that my experiences these days are universal.

My mind is all over that place. Shopping for gifts. Decorating. Planning. Seeing friends. Attending holiday programs. Sending cards. Observing Advent. Fighting depression. Figuring out which one on the strand is the dead lightbulb.

And then there is all the other stuff of living. Parenting. Working and sending paperwork to the almighty insurance companies. Fighting depression. Shopping. Cooking. Cleaning. Loving my spouse.

And blogging....There are some things I have been letting go.

Friday morning it was snowing.  It was a gentle snow, each snowflake small and light, seeming to float rather than fall. When the flakes finally reached the ground, they swirled, then scattered, then swirled again.  It was like watching constantly changing white dust patterns on the streets.

That snow was a visual of what my head has felt like all week. Scattered, swirling thoughts, never fully formed.

My head is in a snow globe.

Judging by the people I see around me, I think that visual is true for many of us. We are all walking around with snow globe heads. The holidays do a good job of mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually shaking us up.

As a Christian, I believe that God became fully human and lived among us.  That is an amazing thought. The more I am mindful of that thought, the more I am in awe of God.

So what do we do? We string lights and bake cookies and send cards. We display pretty Silent Night images to prettify the reality of a birth in a smelly animal shelter.

The birth of Jesus was a miracle. Over and beyond who he is and what he came to proclaim, it is rather amazing that he survived his infancy. He was born in an unsanitary barn. His family needed to escape for his life. I am certain his parents were lonely and heartsick, pushed to the margins of a ruthless society.

So what do we do? We fill our heads with so much clatter, that we forget that the world Jesus entered is our world. The message he came to share was our message.

It is obvious to me that my next step this season is to decrease my cynicism. It does not seem to be accomplishing much except to keep me swirling and swearing. How I am going to accomplish this is not as obvious.  I will keep you posted.

Some Days Are Elephants

My down time has been invaded by elephants this past week. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I read Jodi Picoult's latest novel Leaving Time. For me, there is so much that is so satisfying in a Jodi Picoult novel. She always writes in the gray. Nothing is black or white. Her novel Leaving Time is about loss and grief and elephants. Yes, elephants.

Now I am reading a book in a different genre. It is a book by Letitia Sweitzer titled Elephant in the ADHD Room. The elephant connect was totally random, if you believe in totally random.

I have elephants on my mind.  I have been thinking about elephants, talking about elephants, even googling elephants. Someone I know is traveling to Malaysia.  The first thing that came to mind is that he would probably be seeing elephants.

So naturally, I was thinking about one of my favorite cartoons.

"Elephant in the room" implies that an obvious problem or situation is being ignored. Or that people do not want to acknowledge it. Much like the situations leading to events in Ferguson and other cities in our nation.

While we all may not agree on the nature of this elephant, many of us are acknowledging there is an elephant, an enormous elephant in fact. It is walking down America's streets and entering our conversations, too big to be ignored. At the very least, we need to respect its size. And its color. Elephants are always gray, never black or white.