So I sat and stared at the bruise. Puzzled over it; went through all activities of the day before. What did I do? When could I have bumped my leg hard enough to bruise it? Why can't I remember doing this? Is my blood clotting okay? Yes. I progressed from pondering when did I bump a piece of furniture to pondering the signs and symptoms of blood clotting disorders. This happens, right?
Back to the bruise. I push at it. Ouch, that hurt. The hurt helped me keep my focus. Now I really needed to figure out how this happened. Think. Think. As I think, I push at the bruise. Ouch. You do this too, right?
Finally, I made a decision to carry on with the day. "God only knows." Time to leave the mysterious occurrence behind and let the bruise fade away. I stopped the madness by the time my first cup of coffee was brewed. This was good progress for me. I am not one to step away from the the analysis loop.
I do not think I am much different than most people. I do not like unresolved stuff. It stays in my forefront. I go through events, situations, conversations. Think. Think. There have got to be answers. Solutions.
Except when there are not.
I think the desire for closure is strong. I think the desire for understanding can be equally as strong. But there is a rub. Sometimes there are no answers, at least not immediate answers. At these times, there is danger to complete closure and understanding. The danger is that we can make assumptions. We can jump to conclusions. We think we have closure and understanding when in fact our assumptions are false and our conclusions are far from the truth.
I am learning that sometimes I have to force myself to move on, to live with the mystery, to live with the not knowing. I need to keep living into the answers. Because bruises happen.
Biomedical illustration of a virus by Fanatic Studios
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